‘Twas the night before Christmas – Osage County Online | Osage County News

‘Twas the night before Christmas

By Rod Haxton, Editor
The Scott County Record

‘Twas the night before Christmas, under the capitol dome, not a creature was stirring, they’d long since gone home.

The doors were unlocked, and why, you might wonder, when you’re busted, flat broke, there’s nothing to plunder.

Kris Kobach in his PJs was home in his bed, as visions of voter fraud danced in his head;

While Sam was at Cedar Crest wondering why, he shouldn’t give the presidency one final try.

When out on the lawn was a crash like no other, Sam thought to himself, “I hope it’s not my brother.”


Governor Grinch.

He crept to the window, fearing what might be there, and in stunned silence, he could do little more than stare.

Under the light of the moon, the scene was quite clear, there was a man dressed in red with eight mangled reindeer.

Sam rushed out the door to see if everyone was fine, then he quickly broke into a well-rehearsed line.

“Welcome to Kansas! Are you planning to stay? You’ll love our taxes. If you’re rich, you don’t pay.

“As for your reindeer, you’ve got nothing to fear. Animal rights activists don’t have a chance ‘round here.”

The man dressed in red, brushed the dirt from his suit, regained his composure as he found his lost boot.

He looked at the governor, then glanced back at his sleigh, you could tell from his demeanor, he had something to say.

“You’re an idiot,” he said, without hesitation, “one of the biggest in Kansas, if not the whole nation.

“I can tell you unequivocally and without remorse, this state is a disaster. It’s time you changed course.

“Your schools, your highways, your young and your old. Your poor, your disabled, are being left in the cold.

“You must care for each other, that’s our greatest gift, but between rich and poor, you’ve created a rift.”

“But, Santa, you’re wrong, it’s not as bleak as you say. We’re teaching the poor they must pay their own way.

“People are lazy, they’ll rip off you and me, as long as they think that state money is free.

“We spend too much on kids, on arts and schools; it was up to me and my friends to change all the rules,

“We’ll change the courts and the voting laws, too; government is best when it’s controlled by a few.”

Santa shook his head. He couldn’t believe his own ears. His trip to Kansas had reaffirmed his worst fears.

The poor, the young, those most needing our love, had been abandoned by the GOP and this Gov.

By now, Rudolph and friends had cleaned up the mess, and Santa began checking for the next home address.

He walked to his sleigh and took a last look around, trying his hardest to avoid wearing a frown.

“Before you leave, Santa, is there a gift for me?” said Sam anxiously as he glanced toward the tree.

“I’ve been a good person, my wife would attest, without hesitation, she says I’m the best.”

“That may be,” says Santa, as he waits to take flight, “but governing, like life, means doing what’s right.

“The Spirit of Christmas must happen year ‘round, so under your tree no gifts will be found.”

With his reindeer getting anxious, Santa sprang to his sleigh, and Sam, with no presents, could only watch in dismay.

But he heard Santa shout as he drove out of sight, “The sun may be shining, but not nearly so bright.”

Contact Rod Haxton at editor@screcord.com.

Reprinted with permission of author.

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